On Setting Expectations

Assumptions, timing, and unnecessary friction

Here’s a small thing that went wrong recently.

I tried to get an online service recently. The transaction wasn’t (supposed to be) processed in real time. After waiting a bit, I initiated it again, unsure whether the first one had gone through. No luck second time either.

So I asked customer support when the service would be available, and they pointed me to a message on the screen: a human operator would review your request “in due time.”

That phrase was the problem.

“In due time” can mean minutes, hours, or days. If you need the service urgently, you read it as minutes at most. If you don’t, you tolerate longer. The system didn’t say which one applied, so I filled in the blanks myself.

Nothing was broken. No one lied. And yet, frustration appeared (to be fair, in my case they reimbursed the second transaction).

That’s how unspoken expectations work.

This isn’t a customer support problem. It’s an expectation problem, which is why it shows up in every kind of relationship.

Someone expects a quick reply. You think “when I can” is fine.
Someone assumes you’ll take care of something. You assume it’s shared.
Someone thinks a decision was made. You think it was still open.

Nobody is incompetent. Nobody is malicious. Everyone is annoyed.

Unstated expectations force people to make assumptions. And assumptions are where problems begin.

Here’s the first lesson: expectations exist whether you state them or not.

If you don’t set them, the other person will. Based on their urgency, their habits, and their incentives, not yours.

Second lesson: vagueness avoids discomfort now and creates work later.

Clarity Is Hard. But when expectations stay vague, the work doesn’t disappear, it comes back as rework. Saying “soon,” “we’ll see,” or “let’s circle back” is postponed clarity, and postponed clarity always returns at a higher cost: as rework, tension, or a larger conversation than the one you avoided.

Third lesson: setting expectations early is cheaper than fixing them later.

Yes, it can feel awkward to say things like:

• “I won’t respond today.”
• “I can help, but I won’t own this.”
• “I need an answer by tomorrow.”
• “This is a draft, not a decision.”

But that awkwardness is brief. The confusion you avoid lasts much longer.

If you’re early in your career, this matters even more. People around you already have expectations about the work to be done: about timing, quality, ownership, and what “done” actually means. When those expectations stay implicit or unrealistic, friction builds. Not immediately, but steadily: tension, doubt, second-guessing, quiet resentment.

So here’s the simple rule.

Assume others already have expectations of you.
Surface them early.
Align on what will be delivered and when.

If timing is unclear, ask: “Is two days acceptable?”
If you know the timing, state it: “I’ll deliver this in two days.”
If the request is vague, ask for specifics before you start.

Unaligned expectations don’t fail loudly.
They fail slowly, by wearing down trust

And a note for those on the other side of the table. Seniority doesn’t exempt you from setting expectations, it raises the bar. When you’re in a hurry, it’s tempting to stay high-level, assume context, and move on. But vague requests from senior people don’t create speed. They create hesitation, over-interpretation, and quiet anxiety downstream. If you want momentum, be specific. If you want good decisions, define the frame. Your urgency doesn’t translate automatically, your expectations have to.